Sycka's Horror reviews

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

“You could have dinner with us… my brother makes good head cheese! You like head cheese?” – Hitchhiker. My favorite month is upon us! With that said what better but to present to you all the classic horror films. This includes Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So much to tell about this film! Let me get rid of the first rumor from the get go. This movie is not based on a true story as said in the movie. It was used just as a selling point, and it worked. The serial killer Leatherface is based off a real serial killer by the name of Ed Gein. Gein was also an influence for other films such as Norman Bates in Psycho  (1960) and Jame Gumb from Silence of the lambs. (1991) Texas chainsaw was directed by Tobe Hooper and seemed to have been a brutal director by pushing his actors to the limit with such a low-budget. Leatherface played by Gunnar Hansen had one shirt that was dyed that could not be washed and had to wear it on set. He smelled so bad after sometime that nobody wanted to eat lunch with him during breaks. Hansen was also allowed to portray Leatherface as he wished and studied his character by studying the actions of  the mentally challenged. Edwin Neal who plays the hitchhiker at the beginning of the film said “ ”Filming that scene was the worst time of my life… and I had been in Vietnam, with people trying to kill me, so I guess that shows how bad it was.” He means the dinner scene that i will discuss. John Dugan played the old man and is 20 years younger than the hitchhiker. It took five hours to apply his makeup and did not want to go through the process again so it was all filmed in 36 hours for his character. The makeup artist has stated that for eating, he had to cut the makeup around Dugan’s face and reapply it after he was done.

From the get go we as the viewer waste no time into going right into the plot of the film. It begins as five friends drive out to see Sally and Franklin’s grandfathers gravesite. On the way there Franklin is seen playing with a blade, but when the hitchhiker is picked up things turn rather odd. He begins to cut his finger and cut the finger of franklin before he gets kicked out of the car ride. He mentions how he and his family work in the meat business and shows a picture of an animal that he claimed to have killed himself. After cutting Franklin, he gets kicked out and was able to leave a message on the side of the car found later on in the film. They arrive at a home of Franklin and Sallys family but it is abandoned with not much going on inside. Kirk and Pam both head on out to a swimming hole but instead find a house with generators humming in the yard and Kirk sees that the door is open and heads inside shouting asking if anybody is there. He enters the house with a thin corridor and a metal door all the way to the back and as he approaches leatherface appears and kills him bringing him to the room behind the metal door and putting his body on a large table. Pam grows worried as Kirk is nowhere to been seen and also enters the house. She stumbles upon a room filled with bones and freaks out. Leatherface sees her a chases her down and sticks her on a meat hook. During this scene a nylon cord held her up between her legs to the meat hook. That shit must have hurt.

Jerry notices that the couple is taking quite a long time after not returning that he heads out to find the swimming hole and of course found himself in the same house and comes across the room filled with bones , meat and parts and opens a freezer on the floor and finds that Pam is still alive. Before he could take any action to save her life Leatherface shows up and kills him too. Franklin and Sally now both alone in the home worry about nobody coming back and after several arguments about whether to stay or go and where Franklin’s knife disappeared to, they finally head out to the swimming hole as well and when they get close to the house Leatherface jumps out and kills Franklin, leaving sally alone and running away from him. Leatherface’s character is wearing several inches on his shoes to make him appear taller and regardless he still ran further than Sally. Sally was so small that he would always catch up to her while filming that leatherface had to do some bullshit cutting away at trees with his chainsaw to allow Sally to have time to run away. She runs into the house and all the way up into the attic and finds a dead skeleton couple sitting there still with clothing on. She freaks out and runs to the second floor and jumps out a window and runs towards a gas station.  The man at the station tries to calm him down and tells her to take a seat and that he would return. He comes back pulling his truck up and comes at sally holding a burlap type sack to stuff her in. She begins to struggle once she notices that he wants to capture her but he begins to hit her with a broom. I thought that was pretty funny.

She finally gets stuffed in the back and put in the car and he drives away to the house and finds the hitchhiker from before heading to the house down the road. He gets out and screams at the hitchhiker asking him where he has been all day. The hitchhiker turns out to be leatherface’s younger brother. He tells him to help him with the girl in the car and they take her inside the house and tie her to a chair. The hitchhiker then realizes who she is and begins to taunt her. As they gag her Leatherface begins to serve dinner and now appears to be dressed as a woman. He heads upstairs to go get grandpa for dinner as well. During dinner the family decides that grandpa should kill sally. Grandpa is so weak to kill her yet they attempt by putting a hammer in his hand and swinging at her head only being able to strike her once. John Dugan who plays grandpa said that filming the dinner scene was the worst experience in his life. The weather was over 100 degrees and the decayed meat and props were all real and smelled horrible. Sally then gets her finger cut and grandpa begins sucking on it. There was no fake blood available so they actually had to cut Sally’s finger for this scene. She is then able to break free and runs away to a road.

Notice the lamp made of a human face in the above image. That’s sick. Leatherface and the hitchhiker chase after sally and she escapes by a passing truck driver and he lets her into his truck. The hitchhiker gets hit by the truck and Leatherface keeps chasing and attacks the truck with his chainsaw but is unable to keep up with the truck and he stops and waves his chainsaw up in the air in frustration.

 The film ends  here leaving a lot open in the ending for a sequel. I’ve heard so much about this film and I agree that it definitely belongs as a classic. The series of these films are amazing. What I adore is the idea of it not just being a slasher film, but a film with a very good plot and so many questions that are left unanswered. I love the idea of a sick , insane , violent family. We at first are lead to believe that leatherface was working on his own. During this month of October I will be covering as many films as I can. All the classics!! With this said I bet you know what’s next on my list. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. (1986)
- Sycka

Terror Firmer (1998)

Today, September 02, 2011, 3 hours ago | sycka666

“You’ll be nothing but a bloody heap of quivering pasty white flesh lying on the ground begging for your mama! Would you like that?”- Casey.  I know what to expect, this isn’t my first Troma film. For those who don’t know or haven’t read my Nuke em high 1-3 reviews, Troma is a film production company who is most well know for The Toxic Avenger series, Tromio and Juliet and the most recent well-known release Let me in.Troma films led by Llyod Kauffman and often works with his brother, sister and has had his father star in his films. Troma movies are known for their cheesy jokes and death scenes. When I first came upon these films I realized that this was my kind of shit. Nothing makes me laugh more than a guy eating shit with a spoon off of a dead body. Terror Firmer is loosely based off Kauffman’s book “All I need to know about filmmaking I learned from The Toxic Avenger.” It is based around a film crew trying to make a movie, but something always goes wrong on set, wrong prop, no blood, no boom mic or dead actors. The name of the movie they direct is called Terror Firmer and scenes of Toxie having sex or having a toxie baby are shown, as well as references to their previous films such as Sgt Kabukiman and Macho Woman.

Kauffman plays the blind director

This movie has the best opening scene ever! This chick is walking down the street and a guy says a sleezy comment about her and she rips his leg off. Then she punches a woman in the stomach and rips out the fetus, awesome!! immediately grabbing the viewer’s attention with a “what the fuck” attitude. The director in charge of filming is blind and the man who plays him is Kauffman himself. He must have a thing for blind people, Toxie’s girlfriend was blind as well. In the middle of filming a scene we meet two characters Casey (holds the boom mic) and Jerry ( in charge of blood and gore effects) as well as Jennifer. (Assistant) Aside from all the conversation troma films are known for having something always going on in the background. Every time you watch you catch something new. Casey and Jerry automatically get into an argument over nothing and Jerry stabs him with a prop knife, which obviously doesn’t kill him but scares the crew. Another crew member known as Todster quits and heads out to a party later that night. He spots a woman he has never seen before and they head up to his bedroom and she begins to tease him which leads to a funnel in Todster’s ass and she fills it with alcohol and sprinkles cocaine in it as he screams bloody murder. She then proceeds to rip out his brain and put it on a frying pan and says “this is your brain on drugs.” Then leaves him to die. Here, let me paint you a pretty picture of that scene.

Insert clever caption here.

Jerry has a thing for Jennifer, and she doesn’t notice because she is too busy looking at Casey. Jennifer and Casey actually go on a date to a restaurant and its obvious that they are making fun of Seinfeld with the obnoxious laughter and the intro music. While getting to know each other we find out that Casey makes pickles with his father and that Jennifer has a really sick mother that she often takes care of. They end up in Casey’s apartment at first he’s reluctant yet he acts quite odd throughout the date. Jennifer starts to put the moves on him and he ignores and talks about other things but stops her once she is about to touch him, and mentions that today its going to be all about her. Afterwards she leaves and heads on to her sick mother who is covered in drool, its absolutely disgusting, her drool on her glasses and eww. At this point I’m a bit confused on what this girl who kills people has to do with the movie being filmed. Another thing is, where is this person thing in the movie as shown in the movie poster?! It’s all confusing but it does all come together in the end. This film crew keeps rolling different scenes as the director points his blind stick and listens to hear if the scene came out right.  Jennifer sees Casey and asks if they can go on another date and he refuses saying he’d rather watch a Spielberg movie. The leading lady of the movie thinks that everything is about her yet something always seems to go wrong on set with her and quits after her boyfriend sees her having sex with the actor who plays Toxie and immediately calls it rape. Now they have no leading lady and the blind director picks Jennifer and Jerry to do the scene. Their scene is a sex scene and at first they are reluctant but are told that they would be on a closed set. Yeah closed set of about 1,000 people. They begin to act and finish up having sex for real as they keep on rolling the tape Casey freaks out and gets upset that they allowed this to happen. I didn’t mention the fat guy who’s on set too. Not sure what his role was but he was eating a lot of peanut butter. Well he encounters the woman who has killed the others and decides to accompany her until the next train arrives. They go on the up escalator and she kicks him down, but the escalator brings him back up. There is a convient axe at the top and she chucks it at him and hits his skull as the escalator devours him entirely splitting his guts open and he finds a license plate! So that’s where it went. Hey boys and girls..another pretty picture!

Death by escalator!!

 
Back to the film crew, odder things begin to happen. Several members begin to die. First its a guy getting shot in the head, which at the time was being filmed that he was getting killed except it actually did kill him. Then a black guy dies as he makes a brave speech about the previous person who just died. He dies by having a light fall on his head and burning his head and face. When removed he’s skinned and bloody and he was bald earlier and emerges with an afro. A person in the background screams “Oh my God! He has an Afro!!” I think I laughed for ten minutes after hearing that. Then a punk starts to make a speech about the black guy who just died. Guess what, yeap that guy dies too. Two large trucks back up into him and rip both his legs off. neither of the trucks have drivers. So now the crew is scared after so many real deaths on set, but the director refuses to stop, he must create art!


The next day Jennifer heads out to work and passes by Casey’s place to see if he wanted to go to work with her and he buzzes her him. Inside we find out out that Casey dresses up as a woman and kills people. Did I mention his father is Ron Jeremy? His father taught him at a young age that he must dress and be a woman to be beautiful. So he has fake boobs and a vagina and a teeny nubbin for a dick. we all get a lovely glimpse at that. No wonder he didn’t want Jennifer to touch him! He takes her to his room and he has pickled body parts in jars all over his room and then proceeds to rape her. She turns the tables and starts to rape him and runs away after she cums. Jennifer runs to the movie set and tells Jerry what just happened. Casey shows up looking like a mess with a dress on carrying a bomb. Proclaiming his love for both Jerry and Jennifer. They could have all been happy together! Jerry tries to convince his that he does love him only to stop him from throwing the bomb but then throws up after seeing his nub penis. Casey throws the bomb and stabs Jerry in the head and the bloody mess begins. Now there’s the guy that’s on the cover of all the posters and dvds! The blind director runs and jumps on top of the bomb saving everybody’s life from further harm. Casey is also killed obviously and the cops find his dad in a jail cell decomposing. With no director and no finished film it’s up to Jennifer to become the director and finish the movie. I loved this movie, I think this one is the goriest  out of all the Troma movies I’ve seen. The best storyline of course is still The Toxic Avenger. I recommend this movie only if this is your type of comedy, otherwise you’ll think its stupid. So stupid that you will become a politician and try to ban this movie and then fail as you realize that you suck just because you have no sense of humor. Then you die. So in conclusion if you don’t want to die. Watch this film! Available on Netflix.
Till next time,
- Sycka.

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Maniac (1980)

Saturday, August 27, 2011, 2:39:39 PM | sycka666

“I told you not to go out tonight didn’t I? Every time you go out this kind of thing happens.” – Frank Zito.  Honest truth, I’m not a fan of slasher films. Mindless killing left and right for no purpose leaves me unsatisfied. What makes a movie is its story and underlying themes, as well as attention to detail. With this said I must add that this is the best slasher film I have ever seen. What I mean by that is the fact that our lead killer Frank Zito kills random women left and right, yet for a reason of the abuse he has suffered as a child from his mother as well as her loss in a car accident in an early age. Directed by Joe Spinelli, (who also plays Frank ) William Lustig and C.A.  Rosenburg the viewer finds themselves at the opening scene of a beach and heavy breathing and groans allowing us to feel like the killer from the bushes in first person view. Fun fact, the opening beach scene was inspired by the movie Jaws.  A couple lays sleeping on the beach and the male walks off to find wood leaving the woman alone and vulnerable to the attack from Frank. Pulling her hair back and exposing her neck and slicing her throat. The man comes back with the wood and is attacked by choking him with a thin strand of metal I assumed in order to slice his neck. The first couple of kills were all aimed at the neck which left me wondering if in case it were some sort of fetish yet further into the film he attacks other parts of the body. The sadistic side of me absolutely loves good hard hair pulling and slight choking enough to feel the pain. Slightly turned on by the way he attacked his first two victims my brain was screaming for more and although this movie was kind of slow it always kept my eyes glued to the screen. One important note is that he scalpes the heads of his victims and saves the hair and nails them onto mannequins.

Behind the scenes image, Frank and his beach victim

With a loud scream the next scene opens revealing Frank awake in bed from what seems to be a nightmare. The first thing that caught my eyes was, what the fuck was he sleeping next to? A dead body or a mannequin? It is indeed a mannequin dressed up in clothes and hair nailed to its head. As the camera pans out I am immediately interested in his small apartment. Decorated with mannequins and heads, dolls and candles in one area lighting up a picture in remembrance of his mother. Now I want a mannequin in my own room and decorate the fuck out of it. Except for one thing, I’m going to fucking hate the damn thing at night while I assume that it’s staring at me. He often talks and has one-sided conversations with the mannequins which I believe must be conversations with his mother. Stuffing his face with cracker jacks our point of view on the floor as his takes apart a pistol in order to fit it inside a violin case as well as a long knife and closes up the violin case and heads on out  his and gets into his car driving around New York City.

love his room!!

 He spots a couple leaving a nightclub and follows them out to a secluded area where the couple begins to make out before they take the action into the backseat. Frank walks out with his shotgun and starts to watch as the couple undresses. The woman sees Frank through the window and demands to leave and heads back into the front seat telling her partner that she wants to leave because they are being watched. The man stays reluctant but eventually gives in and begins to start the car and the headlights turn on in turn showing Frank’s face. He then jumps on the hood of the car, crouches slightly and shoots him in the head. This was the best fucking scene in the entire film!! As the viewer the camera is placed in the backseat of the car and we see the head exploding from behind with the blood splattering all over the car window and the girl in the passenger seat as she screams bloody murder. Frank then proceeds to kill her and of course scalp her.

Epic headshot ever!!

The directors of this movie at times didn’t have the permits to shoot on location in New York. This headshot scene was shot in only one hour and after it was shot the crew had to pack up and leave before the cops showed up. In this case only one take of this amazing scene was needed. The dummy that was used in this scene was used by Tom Savini in Dawn of the dead. The dummy had been used so much that it was no longer good enough to be used. The dummy was named Boris and was said to be retired by putting it in the truck of the car from this scene and sunk in a river. Frank once again scalps the female victim and nails it to a new mannequin and new clothes.  The next victim involves a nurse leaving work at night, catching a glimpse of Frank across the street she heads out in to the subway and starts walking rapidly realizing that Frank was following her and little by little she winds up running around hysterical trying to pay with tokens dropping change all over watching as frank comes down the stairs and just missing the train and running off to hide in a bathroom in the platform waiting in the last stall. Frank catches up to her not rushing even once. The nurse covering her mouth to prevent any noise as she presses against the bathroom stall with the name Margaret inscribed. She leaves the stall once she believes that the coast is clear and stands by the sink where Frank shows up and stabs her in the stomach from behind and scalps her. Later on saying that it was such a shame that there was blood in her hair while dressing up the mannequin as her.

premiere on 42nd street

After all these random killings to get an idea of exactly who frank is, we come upon Frank in the park after he notices that there was a picture taken of him by a woman. She takes pictures of several other people in the park and walks away from her bag left against a tree. It conveniently had her name and address. Frank peeps the personal information as he pretends to tie his shoe then walks off. He later on encounters her and asks her about her photography and why the are all women and how the are able to be captured as the each argue their points. Frank instead of killing her decides to take her on a date and she accepts and they go out to dinner and they meet  up again the next day as he watches her do a photo shoot of three women. Frank becomes interested in one of the models and steals her necklace as an excuse to visit her later on in her apartment. When at the apartment he hands her back the necklace and presses a button on the door which will allow the door to open once it has been locked regardless. She walks back into her apartment and Frank soon after walks in and ties her up in her own bed and gags her mouth. He starts talking to her thinking that she is her mother. Of course he then kills her and throws up in the bathroom. which is the first time he ever shows some sort of remorse or disgust. He scalps her as well and disposes the body.

nailing hair

 .Frank goes on another date with the photographer and asks her it is okay if they pass by his mother’s grave and that he hasn’t visited it recently. She agrees and they head into the cemetery and Frank breaks down and cries and she tries to console him assuring him that she has passed away for a long time now. He starts to freak out and say “Rita knew, Rita knew” (his previous victim) and he attacks her and she is able to harm him by hitting him with a shovel and she runs away. He starts to chase her is unable to catch up.Funny thing is while they run in the cemetery you see a couple of cardboard headstones. Now that’s what I call cheap, but cute. He lays down on his mother’s grave and he sees a corpse rise up and attack him. It’s obviously an illusion brought on by his insanity. He heads back home an lays down in bed staring at the mannequins around his apartment and they come to life and start to attack him. Damn do I love movies with fuckin mannequins. It’s oddly eery and I cant wait to see more. These mannequins attack him in his bed surrounding him and clawing his all over even removing his head. Another sick scene as tendons, flesh and blood spew out as the head comes off of the shoulders.

 Cuts to the scene of two cops walking into Frank’s apartment and finding him on the bed with a knife in his stomach as he lies on his side. Looks like Anna was able to tell the authorities to check Frank’s apartment for unusual activity. The cops leave after they see his mannequin collection. The camera pans into Frank’s face and his eye opens up and the credits begin to roll. I adored this movie and I was always wondering what was coming next.

would you stick your tounge in its mouth? I DARE you.

 It seems like Frank’s mother would lock him up in a closet and he has some scars on his chest. By the way, this dude does not look good with his shirt off. Gross. In conclusion if anybody out there has an excess mannequins hit me up, or take them apart and mail them to my PO box. Don’t forget the scalp.-  Sweet Nightmares,     Sycka

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Frankenhooker (1990)

Friday, August 19, 2011, 12:46:24 PM | sycka666

Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. I truly believe that this film was sheer genius. Of course it depends on your preferences on horror and comedy. More serious critics may say this film was ridiculous , waste of time and corny. I encourage the open-minded to loosen up and laugh a little during this movie. Directed by Frank Henenlotter, well-known for directing other cult classics like Basket Case, Basket Case 2, Basket Case 3 and Brain Damage to name a few of some of his most well-known films. I warn you!! This review is an extra special! On an unplanned thursday night past midnight My brother Sycko and I decided to watch this at his man/centipede cave and we let the fun begin as we clenched out slurpee’s tightly and stared at the following image of his tv of the dvd menu…

The film begins of a man (Jeffrey) poking a brain in a jar with an eye in it who is definitely alive. As the camera pans out the viewer is shown that he is experimenting with this brain in the middle of the kitchen as he is interrupted by somebody asking him to pass the ketchup. My question is How are the people in this house not freaked out about a brain with an eye in it?! which is alive! They disregard it and continue on with a family birthday get together outside in the backyard. In the oddest freak accident, Jeffrey’s soon to be wife gives a remote controlled lawn mower to the birthday boy and shows him how it works and conveniently stands in front of the lawn mower and run her over while all at the party just stare in dismay and don’t even try to stop it. If it can be prevented, wouldn’t you stop it? The fact is..nobody can get chopped up into so many pieces because of a lawnmower. cuts, yes. pieces? no. So Jeffrey freaks out that his bride to be has passed on. The cops are shown at the news and they try to recover the body parts which have fallen all over but are unable to locate certain body parts including the head. Jeffrey avoids the media and spends his time in his room with a drawing of a female body and talking numbers and scientific nonsense. His mother comes into the room and tells him to go on with his life. She didn’t even let her son grieve for one entire day! Come on lady, cut him some slack. Sycko and I watched this scene and pointed and laughed at the brain with the eye that floated in Jeffrey room in a decent sized fish tank, the eyeball flicking around and has no choice but to stare. I’d be a bit conscious at the fact that there is something staring at me in my room, the entire time! Awesome fact is that this brain is actually based on the film called “The Brain that wouldn’t die” (1962)

He figures out that he is going to need several body parts since he wasn’t able to recover her own entire body and that the amount of electricity needed he would use from an upcoming thunderstorm said to hit the town in 2 days as per the news on the tv. He is definitely wacko, Jeffrey should have stayed in a room with padded walls. When he runs out of ideas, boys and girls, what does he do to help himself come to conclusions? Now raise your hand. Yes you answer please. Correct! He drills a nail into his head into certain points of his brain and he somehow doesn’t bleed at all and he doesn’t even freak out much, he just enjoys the ideas flowing in. So he drills his head and thinks up that he needs to hire several prostitutes and somehow get their body parts to fix his girlfriend Elizabeth. He heads out to town with a wad of cash prepared to get as many whores as he can in order to measure them. The whores pimp by the name of Zorro who agrees  to let him get 7 girls but that he must pick out in the end and gives Jeffrey a bag of crack. how nice of him! Jeffrey takes the crack and decides to make supercrack in order to make the girls vulnerable and get what he wants from them. Later that day they head out to the hotel and the main whore introduces him as “Jersey Boy” and then he stares at legs, arms, hands and breasts to see what he can use and he’s so pleased that he wants a bit from all of them.  The whores start asking for his money and reach into his bag where he has his super crack and the whores get super happy for drugs. They start to party, get naked and do some crazy shit then one by one the all start to feel sick as Jeffrey freaks out telling them not to take the supercrack because he tested it on a guinea pig and it exploded. So what is better than whores? Yeap, Exploding whores!! They woman look extremely fake and modeled which i love because it made be laugh even more which was great.

Don’t do super crack kids. you will explode.

Meanwhile Zorro’s wondering why the girls are taking so long in the hotel room and he heads on up to the room and busts the door open as soon as one of the girls head’s goes flying and he freaks out and falls and that’s the end of him for now. I honestly thought that he was going to be more of an annoyance to mess up Jeffrey’s plan throughout the movie, but he doesn’t.  Jeffrey nervously begins to apologize to the dismembered body parts and puts them all in black bags and begins to promise them that he is going to put them back together but that Elizabeth is his first priority. He goes into the garage and starts sorting the body parts and choosing which parts of which girl he wants to use and not using any imperfections and goes as far as to file down a bunion on a foot. Ewwww! The remaining body parts he puts into a case filled with what I assume is preservation liquid.

Sorting through a pile of boobs

 The night of the storm begins to approach and he puts the final touches of placing Elizabeth’s head on the body and covers her with  a white sheet. obviously mimicking the great frankenstien films by lifting the body high up on a platform with the garage ceiling open and a metal pole for the electricity to hit and bring her to life. The platform comes down slowly and our Frankenwhore is standing up with the sheet now over her head. Pulling the sheet off her head and revealing an amazing looking character, something I definitely want to be for halloween one year. Jeffrey speaks to her and she replies with Wanna Date?! and “This here is Jersey Boy!” She goes on saying random sentences from earlier that night. Then she punches Jeffrey and heads on out with the funniest walk ever.  At this point Sycko and I had our slurpee’s halfway gone, snacking on pringles and slim jim’s giggling at like two little school girls.

Elizabeth heads on out onto the train as people stare and gawk at how weird she looks and she heads back to the strip joint where Zorro was to be most likely at and he his. She walks around asking people if they want to date and she comes upon some fat loser dude and he’s totally into her and they head back into a hotel room and they start fucking and he dies from electric shock. She walks out and goes back in. She forgot the money and dipped into his wallet then headed out and was approached by another man who starts hitting on her and she kills him too, then walks off heading back towards the strip joint where Zorro was more that likely to be at.

Wanna Date?!

 Zorro is inside talking with his buddy talking about how all his bitches exploded. Best live everr!! His friend see’s the deformed Elizabeth and is immediately attracted and approaches her. All her responses are dumb random lines as she stuffs her faces with pretzels. They go into a back room and the guy heads under the table and begins to eat her out. She’s had so much electricity in her to make her alive that any physical contact electricutes the other person. She unknowingly has no idea whats going on. Zorro see’s this and suspects that all his girls are her. Jeffrey wakes up back at his place and assumes that his girl had ran off to the strip joint and of course finds her there in the middle of chaos. She kind of breaks down as her neck snaps backwards and she lets off a large amount of smoke as people run outside, Jeffrey grabs her and runs off to the car back to his place to try to fix her. The good news he does fix her and with some tweaking she comes back to life with her own mind not the mind of the strippers like earlier. She recognizes Jeffrey and freaks out realizing what had happened to her and her body and that fact that she had died.

art by artboy 123.

 Zorro followed Jeffrey home and stares in through a door as he learns that he did kill all his whores to create his Elizabeth. He grabs a weapon and comes up behind Jeffrey and hacks his head off. I didn’t see this coming at all!! Elizabeth freaks out on how Jeffrey just died in front of her by Zorro. Now one thing I didn’t mention was that the electricity that brought Elizabeth back to life struck the case with the extra body parts earlier. Zorro gets knocked down onto the floor and falls near that case. The door of the case opens and the wide array of fucking weird ass body parts fused together and brought to life. It is definitely basket case style! Ugly deformed lips with attached arms and gross! They crawl out and grab Zorro pulling him into the case and close the lid afterwards. Did I mention that one of those creatures makes out with him? Disgusting!

not even steroid power can fight these bitches off!

Frankenhooker somehow becomes a genius and starts to put Jeffrey back together with one condition. One female parts work. So when he wakes up he freaks out because he is all female. She is proud of her work and the fact that she was able to bring him back to life, while he secretly freaks out in his new womans body. We assume they somehow live happily ever after. Except now, they are lesbians. I guess. I have no idea how that would work. Now at this point our slurpee’s have melted into carbonated goo and we clapped during the credits as I complained about how the movie was over because I adored it so much! This movie has been compared quite often with re-animator which I have yet to see. It might have even been watchable since Sycko has such a wide array of dvds and vhs piled up against his wall. Sycko review is as follows, “I thought it was pleasantly and delightfully Trashy, Funny and Cozy Movie. Deserving of more Attention.” I couldn’t agree more. So why can’t we have our fucking movie damn it? That isn’t going to stop me.

Coming soon!!

I have some homework for all of you. hire some whores and put them back together and let me know what you create!! Thanks for tuning into this super special review. Till next time.

-Sycka

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Perkins 14 (2009)

Friday, August 12, 2011, 11:56:26 PM | sycka666

Filmed in Romania, directed by Craig Singer released to the public on 2009, this film has received several mixed reviews. Perkins 14 has been featured as one of the 8 Films To Die For of the third installment by the After Dark Horror Fest. This movie had great camera work and the actors weren’t bad. The actual plot of the film is a bit confusing in its order of how things are doing and kept me wondering what certain scenes have to do with the rest of the plot but in the end it all comes together to make sense. This movie was decent with a good amount of suspense, gore and even a little bit of an affair of which I will further elaborate soon. The movie follows Dwayne Hopper, a father with two children and a wife. The movie opens up with the assumption that the father is scum by denying his wife’s request’s to borrow the car or to open her own office. This makes me wonder because the rest of the film he isn’t that bad of a character. Dwayne finds out that his daughter is going out to see some of her friend’s later on that night and he leaves to work as a police officer which is highly used throughout the movie. He arrives at work in a bad mood and starts to have flashbacks of things that just happened five minutes earlier in the movie. Is the director really giving the viewer flashbacks of scenes that just happened? That’s like when your buddy goes “hey do you remember that time that I punched you by accident?” Then you respond.. “…that just happened…” and wonder what the hell is wrong with your friend. Well that’s how I felt watching these flashbacks. So while Dwayne is at work he checks up on two prisoners. A hippie and a pharmacist named Perkins who is missing a finger and correctly guesses that Dwayne has a daughter. Dwayne starts to have flashbacks of an event that happen 10 years earlier of when his son was abducted in his own home. He currently assumes his son to be dead after the case was closed. He notices that it is exactly 10 years ago that his son was abducted and even mentioned it to his wife earlier in the film. He begins to suspect that Perkins was the abductors of his son because of the missing finger. Dwayne proceeds to take matters into his own hands by reviewing his file and calling some people up and telling them that Perkins is not from the town and suspects that he kidnapped his son and of course nobody believes him saying that he doesn’t have enough leads to go by to prosecute this man. Now first of all Dwayne is working all alone in a precinct with nobody else. I don’t care how small this town is there’s no way a cop would be left alone with two criminals in cells, it’s unrealistic. Dwayne makes his coworker off duty inspect Perkin’s home and his coworker goes to the home after some convincing. Perkins is taken out of the cell and into an interrogation room and told that he suspects that he took his son. This Perkins guy is an odd-looking man with way too perfect teeth who claims just to be a pharmacist. Dwayne went through his personal items and in his car and found bottles of pcp and Perkins defense is that he was doing a house call for work. Dwayne tells him that there is an officer at his home and Perkins tries to remain calm but little by little starts to freak out saying that they aren’t allowed to do that. Dwayne listens to his coworker via walkie-talkie and he looses signal after being told that he heard sounds from the basement. Dwayne releases Perkins and takes him to his house to see what happened to his coworker.

best pic I could find of Perkins

Dwayne follows the footsteps of his coworker and finds a hidden entrance to a deeper basement filled with cells and finds his coworker dead in the ceiling. He was killed by one of the people in the cells. Perkins kidnapped 14 children and held them for so long they no longer knew how to interact with other humans and therefore went insane and killed the coworker. Dwayne finds several vhs tapes and plays one of them until he finds footage of his son in the cell filmed by Perkins and he freaks out and confronts the kidnapper and he admits that his son Kyle bit his finger off , and called for his father at night and that he lasted longer than any of the others. The best scene in this film is the camera positioned behind Perkins head and a bullet pierces through his head and the remains splatter all over the camera. In the meantime Dwayne’s daughter leaves to hang out with her friends and goes into a private area with her friend Eric and hormones kick in and they start making out which begins to lead to other things… *cue porno music* Dwayne leaves the basement and informs the others on duty that an officer was down, but there were so many calls and not enough cops Dwayne is told that it would be taken care of later and Dwayne decides to head off to another call in the area of where his daughter is. He arrives there and encounters two dead bodies cut up by one of the now teens captured by Perkins. I must say that I was surprised that the serial killer whom I thought this film would follow was killed so rapidly. Dwayne finds his daughter and Eric and saves her from the teen who was killing in that area but he proceeds to cut Eric’s hand and they run off to the police car and informs her that her friends were dead by the same killer. They head into the city to get his wife and make sure she’s okay but his daughter mentions that she saw the car at a hotel. The wife said she had her book club that night but she was off having an affair with another man in a hotel room. One of the female teens whom escaped from Perkins cells went into their hotel room and killed the man on the bed just as they were about to get it on. She freaks out and hides in the basement. Dwayne finds the door open and finds his wife in the bathroom and its a relief for both of them. I know he must have been some type of relieved that the man she was cheating on him with was dead. They head into the cop car find one of the escapees who Dwayne notices to be  his long-lost son Kyle. Dwayne has no heart to kill him and simply blocks him and they escape to the police station where they hide in the basement with the hippie prisoner and a coworker cop. Eric gets attacked by a couple of the escaped teens and they pull out his intestines.

Michale Graves, vocalist for The Misfits.

An interest about the actor who plays Eric in this film, his name is Michale Graves and he is the singer for the rock band The Misfits. He has mentioned that at night he would visit the sets that were being built for lyric and song inspiration.  Back in the precinct,the family discusses their issues and the hippie gets tired and walks out of the locked room to go to the bathroom in which she is attacked by the female who earlier killed the man in the hotel room, and of course proceeds to kill her too by attacking her from the ceiling. The scream is heard from upstairs and Dwayne heads on out to see exactly what caused the scream and sees the body in the bathroom and comes to the conclusion that teens have breached the precinct.

She's prolly screaming because fake blood tastes horrible.

Another thing that I thought was cool was the idea that these teens were acting as zombies with no emotions but in reality they aren’t dead, but medicated on pcp by Perkins. Dwayne sees that his son Kyle was in the precinct and once again unable to kill him runs away and closes the door where his family and coworker were in. His coworker wants Kyle dead. Who wouldn’t?! So he takes matters into his own hands and grabs the shotgun to go kill Kyle, but Dwayne has a pistol and shoots his coworker and he dies while Dwayne’s family watches in  horror. They conclude that they need to escape and get into a car and they decide to use Perkins car which was left at the precinct and the keys left in the evidence room and his wife proceeds to climb in vents in the ceiling and find her path to get the keys. She gets the keys and shows him in the security camera while doing so she gets killed by one of the teens. Dwayne and her daughter leave the room and he locks his daughter in a cell for safety and gives her the shotgun and takes the keys with him and goes out to confront his son Kyle and tells him to remember that he is his son and to remember how he tried to protect him on the night of the abduction. He opens a gate and Kyle slips through and starts to hug his dad. Nope he just fronts and cracks his dads neck and kills him and walks off to find his sister in the cell and sticks his hand in takes the shotgun away from her and opens the door with the keys. I would have shot him!! She stares at Kyle and he points the shotgun at her and kills her.

Dwayne and his wife as she heads out to get the keys.

The film had not too many twists and turns and had a good idea for a plot but I believe it could have been portrayed better throughout the film. I wouldn’t consider it good enough to be one of the 8 films to die for. I truly believe that for a movie to be in a collection for the After Dark Horror Fest it should be absolutely brutal and controversial film which will have brains freaking out  and eyes clenched shut. A few of the films that should make that cut include, Flower of flesh and blood, Irreversible, Man behind the red sun and of course Martyrs. You haven’t seen anything yet until you’ve seen Martyrs. Stay tuned for my review of that film, it’ll make you never want to watch it. Until next time,
- Sycka

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Night Of The Lepus (1972)

Saturday, August 06, 2011, 1:53:36 PM | sycka666

Directed by William F Claxton this movie was a super fail during its time of release. Titled “Night of the Lepus” before it’s release film makers made it a point to keep the killers of this movie a secret. They rained on their own parade when they film company themselves started to hand out memorabilia that contained rabbits feet. In short it’s about killer bunnies. What the problem is with this is that the bunnies are fucking cute. So cute it makes the army stand back and say “awwwww!!” Thus leading not being able to kill such cuteness and they would get mauled to death with the cutest teeth alive. The story begins with a farm town needing help because they are being infested with rabbits and they want to find a way to get rid of them without poisoning them because it would affect the other animals on the farm. One of the towns people thinks he’s all cool and shit in his opening scene of riding a horse, until the horse trips and falls on a pebble, and the dude stares at the horse on the floor and thinks to himself, well gotta put him out of his misery, and shoots it. Then he shows up in town and tells a kid that he shot the horse because he broke his leg. Lies!!!! That scene did not look like he broke his leg, he simply tripped!! Researchers Roy and Gerry (whom have a daughter, Amanda) come to the rescue to find a way to combat the evil bunnies of Doom. They find a serum and inject it in one of the many bunnies they have in cages. Amanda the blonde kid is all like “ohh nooooo!! That was my favorite bunny!” Parents ignore her and after injecting it put the bunny back in the cage and with the parents back turned Amanda switches her fave injected bunny with one from the control group. Then asks her mom if she can keep one from the control group and then takes the injected bunny that she switched. Damn you child! It’s all your fault for doing that because it made this film continue! After a bunch of meaningless chatter the kid meets up with a boy and he’s like “grrr! I fucking hate bunnies!!” and sets her injected bunny free and its runs away into a rabbit hole. Don’t touch that dial, we’ll be right back after the break!

awww!! Cute bunnies totally make me want to play the New York Lottery!!

Earlier on it was mentioned “it only takes one rabbit with the injection to infect the rest.” Really? Really?! I would have never guessed because I have never watched zombie movies ever in my life. nope. never. I don’t even know what a zombie is. I hope it’s a breed of chicken. I don’t know how the whole mine area of town came into play but either way there were a bunch of supposed bunnies hiding in the mining shaft. (ha..i said shaft..) and they start to make plans to blow it up somehow. Meanwhile in town cops find a body of a dude who was driving a truck in town cut into pieces. It’s like the bunnies cut him up into pieces and then they were like “oh shit what did we do?!” Then tried to rearrange him by trying to put all the pieces back together so that he looks like in one piece. I mean, not one part was missing or out of place! Regardless its the best three second cut scene of a dead body in this movie.

"i'm the best human jigsaw puzzle...ever!!"

 ”The cops little by little begin to receive reports of dead bodies in town and they begin to question what or who caused the dead bodies to turn up. A doctor does a test on Mr. Jigsaw and mentions that there was saliva on the corpse and in the truck he was driving the boxes were gnawed on and he suggests that only a saber tooth tiger would be able cause such damage. Weren’t those extinct back in the 70′s too though? Well not including the one from the movie Ice Age. Eventually the researches say fuck it and get explosives and head on out to put dynamite near the mine to kill whatever is in it. Once again the one dumbass is like, no I want to know whats inside. So two of the men head inside of the mine and one of them has a pistol and they tippy toe into the mine slowly searching for rabbits just like this guy…

"Shh...I'm hunting Wabbits!"

 I always liked Bugs Bunny, everyone always wanted to kill him but kept on bringing the jokes. Come to think about it, ever notice how violent these cartoons used to be? Yet parents complain about Grand Theft Auto? Shut the fuck up parents! So the two douches keep walking until they find an adorable huge fucking bunny!! Wait no, it’s a bunch of huge bunnies with patches of blood on their teeth and mouths and fur. Aww, I think bloody bunnies are even cuter. Random complaint of the day: Sanrio, why haven’t you made a cute bunny with a bloody mouth?!  They take a picture of it and then do what everyone else would do..ruuun! they run till they run out of the mine and they tell everyone to run away, but one of the dudes waiting outside got attacked by a bunny that came up from underground and attacked it. It was the cheesiest rabbit attack ever! I’ll get into that soon. Before they leave they detonate the explosives and they bunnies scream, and the horrible part is that they scream like little children. I wonder how many screaming children died for the making of the film… The explosives kill a couple but several were able to escape and live. I bet you wanna see how cute these mutated bunnies really are huh?

"I love playing with red finger paint!"

I haven’t mentioned how fake this blood looks have I? Well, it does! blood is not a bright red but closer to a dark red, and with natural poor lighting or in the dark it should be portrayed to be even darker. These bunnies run and run and run, i think it was like 15 minutes in total of watching cute bunnies stampede through the town. Now here is the kicker. Not once during a bunny and human fight did you see a shot of them both together. Every time a mutated bunny was shown it was a super duper way too close that it made me feel awkward, kinda like that one friend you got that stands way to close and you can smell his breath close. So here is my scientific conclusion. Small scale models of a town and houses were made and normal real life sized bunnies were used to run through and small cameras were used from floor up to get these close up awkward bunny stampeding shots. Then when it came to the fighting scene, an actor with bunny paws attacked the victim actor and success! You have tricked the mass media into an epic bunny death fight!! Nope..not this viewer.

Bunny Marathon!

I bet they don’t even know where they are running to.Everyone runs and hides into the basement, but you see bunnies are smart and they start scratching at the basement door into the ground to get through to them, while the rest pile into the house and run to the kitchen to make themselves a delicious carrot sandwich and then to have an orgy, because we all know, bunnies are horny little fuckers. The dude with the rifle starts shooting at the ceiling because he hears them having bunny sex. (well not really) Yet he assumes they are trying to rip the floor to get to them and shoots them and they make the sound of children dying again as red paint (blood) begins to drip down into the basement.

EPIC bunny sandwich time!

So the bunnies keep running their marathon and head into a town and break grocery store windows and kill a woman who stares and watches as they run toward her because of their epic cuteness, and the woman dies. Meanwhile Roy tells Gerry to leave town with Amanda due to its unsafe conditions and that he’ll meet up with them afterwards. The mother and daughter head on out but their vehicle gets stuck in some type of sand or dirt and they try to dig the car out in order to continue. As they dig the bunnies get closer and closer and surround the car and Gerry puts Amanda in the car while Gerry scares the bunnies by lighting flares up and throwing it at them. Roy becomes concerned that his wife has yet to call and gets a helicopter and searches for them and picks them up right on time. Back in town the police go into a drive in theater and tell the people that they need their help and to follow the cop car to a certain location and form a line with their cars, keep their lights on and roll up their windows. Now I work hard to pay my car, if that were me I’d be like Hell no! you want me to help form a barrier with my car to kill cute bunnies?! Then I’d get the fuck outta there. So the plan is to create a barrier and scare the bunnies with the lights and somehow electrocute a nearby train track, and kill them all. Well this odd plan works. The bunnies run right into their trap and cue the screaming children sound. Time passes and everybody is all happy and content that there are no more killer bunnies and they skip away all happy.

Genetically Altered to take up comic book space!

The movie seemed all like a joke and as a failed attempted to make the villans scary. Many critiques at the time of its release disapproved of this film. Yeah, it was bad concept , but it’s movies like this that make my day and make me laugh and squirm at absolute cuteness. It’s so cute I want to make this font the color pink. Is that possible? I owe it to the wonderful Melo who picked a great movie to make fun of. I hope she one day makes a painting of a fat bunny with women nipples and red finger paint paws. Do it before I steal the concept and paint it myself!! Now regarding the amazing picture up above..It’s Filler Bunny! I thought it would be appropriate to add a small segment regarding this scientifically genetically altered bunny made for the sole purpose to take up extra space in Jhonen Vasquez’s comic books. He appears randomly in several of his comics such as Johnny the Homicidal Manic. Check out that comic as well as Squee! and I feel Sick. For those of you who don’t know, Jhonen Vasquez is the creator of the show Invader Zim. Need I say more? Till next time..

P.S.  1,654,328  and 1/2 children died screaming for this film.

- Sycka

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The Last House On The Left (2009)

Friday, July 29, 2011, 11:56:32 PM | sycka666

Last week I did a review on the 1972 version of this film. This movie seemed to have made more sense in several areas. First big difference, No Cops at all in this movie. The original portrayed two dumbass cops, and I mean dumb with total honesty. This family is crazy rich. First off the dad is a doctor. Way too convenient. The mother is I dunno, too busy talking on the phone to people she works with but never mentions her position. Mary drives out to their summer home once again in bumblefuck where the neighbor’s house is 6 miles away. There is a guest house where she stays at, and the parents stay in the home. Another large difference is that Mary (daughter) simply asks to hang out with her friend and she heads on out. The first flick she went out to celebrate her birthday and the family stays behind to prepare a party. This case no party and no birthday. So she meets up with her friend who works at a deli or some shit and a customer too young to buy booze decides to make an exchange to offer the girls pot so they can sell him the alcohol. They go  and then they do the same shit every smart chick character does, they go right into the lion’s den into his hotel room and smoke pot. The boy’s father and two friends show up. They are mostly pretty boys and girls, and don’t have that grimey dirty gross look like in the original version. Cue criminals image below!!

"we frown cuz we bad!"

The father is a piece of shit who treats his son like crap (dude in the hoodie) he should have been impressed that he brought two chicks to his place. The girl criminal walks in and starts flashing her tits around like it’s no big deal and changed her shirt. They roughed up the two girls a tad, one tried to escape but failed obviously and the scene cuts to the next morning driving down the road in the car. What this scene lacks from the original, is that this was a hotel room, the other was their actual apartment. The son in this movie is sincerely a good kid, and the previous he was just as bad just a bit shy. The girls get raped in their apartment in the 1972 version and not in this one during this scene. The two girls are sitting in the back of the car and one of them burns the female criminal in the forehead and distracts the driver from the road and he falls off the road into the woods while one of the bad dudes in the bad breaks his nose. ouch! The car was heading in the direction of Mary’s house. Isn’t she lucky?! They get out of the car and the girls try to escape and one of em does. you know all the usual bullshit. 1972 version, the girls were locked into the trunk and were let out once the car stopped working, which conveniently broke down in front of mary’s house. So one of the girls starts running and  hides and looses her captors and starts running towards a construction site and then Bam! The criminals show up and drag her back to their original spot.

she dont look so cute now ay?

 Mary gets raped. Woah big surprise! Raped by the kids father, and he throws his son the girls necklace and stores it in his pocket.  How gross would it be if you saw your dad fucking a girl in front of you?! Eww. 1972 version, mari pisses her pants, has lesbo sex and her friend gets raped instead of her, then runs away only to get stabbed and die while Mari runs off into the water says a prayer and gets shot and dies. 2009 version, Mary’s friend gets stabbed like 3 times then dies on the spot, while Mary heads out to the water and swims off till one of the several bullets shot at her hits her. The criminals in the original washed up and found a macy’s to get new threads outta nowhere but in this one they don’t clean up, they stay dirty and head on out to Mary parents home to search for help because of the broken nose from earlier. They let them in and the dad is a doctor and starts to sew his nose back after cracking it into place. That was a gory trip to watch. They get some drinks and they offer them to stay the night in the guesthouse. The son sees a picture of their daughter and freaks out and falls to the ground and runs off to the bathroom. Poop calls. After feeling better he plants the necklace by the cup that he drank his hot coca in to throw the parents a hint that their daughter is dead. The mother sees the necklace and plays it cool till the criminals head out to the guest room for bed. It starts to rain outside and there hear a noise and find their daughter on the front porch.

promo ad

Once again referring to the original movie, I found it odd how the parents ran out to the lake and found the daughter’s body. It’s like they knew all along that she was there dead in the water. But this time it made more sense by the Mary crawling to the house and being found.  The big difference is that she is still alive. Luckily, daddy is a doctor! He puts her on a table and starts to perform voodoo medical techniques in order to seal her bullet wounds with a hot blade. They leave her be as the head on out to kill some bad dudes. But one of them comes to the mother. The dude with the broken nose shows up and shit, thinking that he’s hot shit and gets some wine open with her, but then she turns around and hits him with glass and stabs him with a knife and super daddy shows up and rebreaks his nose and flings an axe into the back of his head and dies in the kitchen.

pfft, we all know this is a fake language.

 Then they both head out to the guest house and the son is sitting on the floor with a gun looking like he’s going to shoot them, but he doesn’t, he just hands it over. the couple in the bed wake up all like “what the fuck?!” He shoots the bad chick and somehow she survives and runs off to the bathroom and she dies after getting killed with a bullet. While the remainder criminal and the father play hide and seek after they somehow wind up at the house until they find each other and kills him. These rich folk have a boat and the daughter was placed in the boat while all this was happening and after the whole ordeal the parents sail away in the boat with the daughter. Reminds me of the ending to “I spit on your grave.”  Both of the Last house on the left versions had their own take on gore , which I adore. Mission Accomplished of seeing this movie link due to my gal pal’s super secret link! Till next time…

-  Sycka

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The Last House On The Left (1972)

Saturday, July 23, 2011, 8:11:38 AM | sycka666

"To Avoid Fainting, keep repeating, it's only a movie...its only a movie.."

The wonderful Wes Craven stepped up to direct this film. This movie is inspired by a Swedish Film, and that swedish film is based on a super cheesy poem that I’m not gonna put up cuz its really is super cheesy and some people might be lactose and tolerant, and we don’t want people dropping left and right because they read this blog do we? Nope! The film has undergone several name changes like, “The sex crime of the century”, then named “The Last house on dead-end street” until is current name was chosen. The film was very controversial especially in the United Kingdom and it was banned in several countries. There are a couple of lost scenes like for example two females induced in sexual acts. The good news is I got a picture of it!

              The main character is Mari, she lives in deep in the woods where almost nobody lives. Several shots in the film show the mailbox with the last name of the family in the front. It’s Mari’s birthday and she’s gonna go and party. Her mother and father are in the living room as Mari comes down the stairs dressed up and ready to celebrate by attending a concert with a friend by the name of  Phyllis whom they aren’t too fond of. I couldn’t believe that dialog that was happening when i heard it. The father is like are you going to go out like that? with no bra? she’s like it’s the style daddy! I would have been like what?! Why are you looking at my nipples? weird.

"Daddy, don't look at my pointy nipples!"

 The two girls head out to the concert and afterwards they roam the streets trying to find somebody to buy pot of off.

They approach a man smoking a cigarette, and ask him and at first he’s like no I don’t but then changes his answer. What the girls don’t know is that he is one of the criminals that the radio mentioned earlier. They were being searched by the police for crimes they have committed. So he leads them up to a room where the whole gang is. About four people and one of them is female.

Criminals

 As soon as they walk in they have an idea that something is about to go very wrong. The door gets locked and Phyllis get raped in the apartment. The next morning they get put into the trunk and hauled of into the woods. The car breaks down in front of Marie’s home. A shot cuts to the mailbox with the family last name. Meanwhile the parents are worried and looking for their daughter and they called the cops. The cops are in the house trying to find out information of the disappearance. By the way, these cops are the dumbest cops every portrayed. Mari is then forced to piss herself and well she does it. Then then both Mari and Phyllis strip down naked and force them to fuck each other. You don’t see too much detail of this in the film, but as I said from earlier I was able to obtain an image from which I believe is a deleted scene.

Pink Taco

Phyllis then tries to run away to offer a chance for Mari to escape. Three of them run after phyllis and one of them stay to watch after Mari. Mari tries to convince him to let her go, and gives him a peace necklace that she wore around her neck that her parents had given her earlier in the film as a birthday gift. She puts it on his neck and he’s all like oh I don’t know, I don’t want to get into trouble or anything. Meanwhile Phyllis runs away and they have a hard time catching up to her until they finally do run and grab her and stab her in the back which in turn slows her down and she falls to the ground and starts crawling. Sadie (the female of the criminals) stabs her several times over as she lays on the ground and she sticks her hand in and pulls out her innards. Brutal Shit! Then they proceed to cut her arm off and they run off back to Marie and her captive. They show Marie Phyllis arm and she freaks out and starts to cry. One of them cuts him name into Marie’s chest and then proceeds to rape her. She then vomits, says a prayer and walks into a lake. I believe she was expecting her death. One of them shoots her and she dies and floats on the water. The gang washes themselves off in water and get clean clothes. I have no idea where they got the clothes from. Maybe they hit up a Woolworth’s?

sick italian ad for The Last House On The Left

After getting changed they pretend to be salesman and they end up at Marie’s parents house. while all of this is happening the cops had left the home earlier and saw the gangs abandoned car and shrugged their shoulders. When on the radio later on they hear the year make and model of the car and they drive back to the car. Halfway there the car breaks down and then they try to hitchhike. A bunch of rebels in a car slow down to pick the cops up and they drive off screaming that they hate the cops. One of em gets so upset that he throws his hat on the ground. Aw, poor hat. They keep on trying to hitchhike and a black woman rolls up in a car filled with a bunch of chickens in crates and says that she can only drive the car with only a certain weight on it and she can’t afford to have the extra weight on the car. She tells them that they should try to sit on the roof of the car and they do but they fall off and she laughs and leaves them. Dumb cops huh?! So at Marie’s parents house they all have dinner and they stay the night. Their cover is up once the mother sees that the peace necklace is on the mans neck and also finds their bloody clothes in their suitcase then she eavesdrop on their conversation in their room. The parents run off to the lake and find the body and bring the body back home. It’s almost like they knew where the body was. They begin to take things into their own hands as the father goes down to get a chainsaw and the mother lures one of the men out and starts giving him oral sex outside and then, bites it off!

still not cooler than leatherface

The father chases the sleeping men with a gun and one of the criminals convinces the other to commit suicide and so he kills himself.  The father kills the other with a chainsaw and sadie runs outside and has a catfight with the mother they fall into a pool and cuts sadies throat open and dies. The parents meet back inside the house as the dumb cops finally arrive. In conclusion, its super similar to 1978′s I spit on your grave. Obviously several things differ but it’s the same concept. Girl’s get raped, they run away get raped again and die. Except in ”I spit on your grave” there is revenge.  The 2009 version of last house on the left is extremely difficult to come by online. it’s not on netflix and has been removed off several sites. Nothing will stop me to watch it!

-Sycka

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Teeth (2007)

Friday, July 08, 2011, 10:30:36 PM | sycka666

A male’s worst nightmare is getting bitten while getting head, well one of. How much worse would it be if you had to be afraid of getting your cock bit off during intercourse? Impossible you say? Well probably. Yet in this film the main character has, yeap a Vagina with teeth! It starts off with the brother and sister in a kiddie pool and the bro pulls his pants down to show her what hes packin’ then I guess he sticks his finger up there and she cuts  his finger off and leaves it scarred for life.  It reminds me of that anti rape condom thats out there for the ladies. It’s a female condom that has tiny sharp edges that face inward. So a penis can go in there without feeling any pain but when attempted to pull out the sharp edges tug on the skin of the penis, and cut you all up and never ever want you to fuck a chick again. So one of two things, you gotta walk around with this condom in you, for that just in case I get raped or somehow know before hand that its gonna happen and secretly stick that condom in.  She’s part of an abstinence group in school and she gives speeches and wears that purity ring just like the jonas brothers. The speeches that she gives comes from her heart because she has stayed a virgin well because more than likely she’s afraid of biting any cocks off.  Then some curly haired dude shows up in the school and she’s in lust and gets all horny for him. He takes part of the whole purity thing to get closer to  her and they all hang out with their friends and they are such good girls and boys they dont even watch rated R movies. They hang out at a lake with a waterfall and a cave in the end later in the film and they go swimming and head into the cave and start making out and all that naughty stuff. They both want to but she’s hesistant to give it up, until the dude starts pull his boxers off then she freaks out. He gives her a punch and knocks her out a bit and starts banging her. ( Trivia Time!! During the first scene neighbors complained because they thought it was a porno being filmed. ) She freaks out and clenches her teeth and he screams and falls into the water and the penis is just hanging out next to her and she freaks out and swims away. Something is definately wrong with her and after some thinking she goes online and sees that vagina’s with teeth are part of a myth that need to be saved from a hero. She heads off to a gynocologist and he sticks his hand up there and she clenches again and off go his four fingers. He is later on seen getting surgery to get them placed back on his hand and refuses to mention how it happened.

"Now I can never make a fist again!!!"

There is another guy at the school as well whos had a crush on her and has been too shy to even say anything and he asks her out and she said that he was funny. Her mom is sick and finishes up in the hospital. Her brother ignores her cry for help because he’s busy banging another chick so she runs off to this guys garage to vent and tells him that she killed two people with her sharp vagina. Hes totally lost and prolly thinking that she’s  a nutcase. She takes a bath at his place and he gives her pills for her nerves which totally fucks with her and then fucks her. Since shes not nervous she doesn’t bite him and they have successful intercourse. They do it again the next day and she starts believing that he is her hero that the myth proclaimed. Not true hes just horny and bet a friend that he would be able to fuck her, she finds out while they’re doing it and she bites it off and walks away.

Kinda cut a tad too far down for this circumcision

Now shes starting to become a confident little cock biting whore. She throws away her purity ring and all that, later on finds out that her mother has passed. The father goes to the brothers room and tells him that he wants him out of the house and the brother lets a dog out loose on the father, and if I heard correct he calls the dog mom. It makes me wonder if somehow the dog and the father fucked and gave birth to a human with vagina teeth. I have no clue honestly. Later his sister gets all pretty and starts to seduce her brother. Totally gross. He’s all hesistant at first but then gives in and they start doing it, but he remembers that when they were kids that she bit him and she smiles and bites his penis off too. The dog is loose in the room and picks up the penis and chews and swallows it down leaving the tip of the head on the floor. The sister walks away and closes the door as he begs her not to leave him alone.
She decides its time to go, and she grabs her bike until it gets a flat and she hitch hikes and gets a ride from some old dude. She falls asleep and he stops at what seems to be a gas station. She wakes up and tries to get out of the car. He is the grimiest old looking dude you could think of, no teeth and gives her the creepiest smile and sticks out his tounge and does some gross shit with it like flicking it and wiggling at her. She keeps trying to get out but she pauses to stop and smile at the camera. The old man had it coming. Overall I thought it was a funny movie, you really can’t take it seriously. It took over an hour for something interesting to actually happen. The plot itself is downright a funny, weird concept. Seems like an idea some dude that was high thought of and decided to make it happen. In other oddities check out this image below. Its flowers that somebody made using fingernails and baby teeth. Gross. The baby teeth are centered in the middle of each flower.
- Sycka

Be happy that you don't get a bouquet of these in the mail.

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I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

Saturday, July 02, 2011, 1:26:11 AM | sycka666

I don’t know whether to say that the lead character is a total dumbass or a badass. Read on and you’ll see what I mean. Some interesting information regarding this movie is that this film was banned in several countries because it condoned violence against women. The original title of this movie was Day of the woman then later changed in 1980 for its re-release to its current name.   It was rejected several times before the Motion picture association of America allowed it to pass. Scenes were taken out of the film including an anal rape scene.  So she’s a writer, and what better place to write a novel in a house in the middle of nowhere where everyone else seems to be males and the only entertainment is a grocery store and a shitty gas station.  She stops to get gas and meets the three men who hang out there who later in the movie rape her. Theres a retarded dude named Matthew also a friend works at the grocery store and delivers the womans groceries to her home, and they have happy stupid banter. She writes outside one day on a hammock and the 4 friends pass by in a speed boat and see her then ride away. They come back the next day, and this time she’s in a canoe in a bikini just asking for it. They pull her canoe onto land and drag her out of the boat so that Matthew can lose his virginity. He doesn’t want do so one of them, Johnny rapes her and they walk away.

She walks to her home crazy slow.  I’m thinking why are you walking so slow? you aren’t in pain, fuckin run! Shortly after the men hunt her down and pin her over the top of a rock and another friend starts raping her, finishes his duty then they walks away. Afterwards she basically crawls home gets there to call the cops and then the last thing you need is the shoe of a rapist kicking the phone off the table. Not cool.

So now I’m thinking, you had it coming, ya gave them enough time to get to your place before you. So she gets raped again by another male in the living room while the others watch and drink booze trying to convince Matthew to bang her. She just lays there motionless while the loser strips his clothes off and halfway through he figures out that he can’t do it and gets dressed. She passes out and they leave, but make Matthew return to kill her, cuz well what they did was bad. He’s given a knife and can’t come to kill her so he dabs the knife near her face where the is blood residue found and runs back to show the bloody knife to his friends and tell them that he killed her. Now after facing all of that shit and living, would you still live there? I’m just like ahh so stupid get the fuck out and drive away. But no…we have to remember that this is a horror film and like most characters they act stupid and dig deeper instead of leaving it be, or at least calling the cops in this case. All this raping toughens her up. At this point of the movie I’m like, where is the horror? it’s all just rape, but then this is where it gets good.  The friends shun Matthew after finding out that he never killed her and he runs away and goes back to work. She decides to get groceries and he goes to the home to deliver them and has Matthew chase her through the woods and takes her robe off while he threatens to kill her. She’s like no, I’m too sexy and you can’t resist me. Well she’s right cuz before you know they are having sex, but in the back of my mind im wondering why would she allow him to do that?! That’s crazy dumb, but luckily she’s got a noose nearby and slips it over his head while he’s humping her on the ground and he was having so much fun that he didn’t notice until she starts to pull on the other end of the rope which hangs him high up on a tree with his pants down.

“feeling like a fool with your pants on the ground…”

She puts the body and the bike into the water and leaves it there to continue the rest of her revenge. Now I’m like yeah! you rule, get your revenge! She then goes to the gas station and seduces one of those who rape, Johnny that is. He gets into the car and she drives into the woods. He gets out of the car and opens her door and pulls out a pistol aiming at him. Yeah kill him! Nooope, he convinces her to drop the gun and they both go to her house for a nice relaxing bath. After somebody pulls a gun out on you would you go take a bath with them? Hell no, this dude is just as stupid. They get into the bathtub and she jerks him off a bit and he’s loving it. Shes got a knife under a rug in the bathroom and since his eyes are closed he doesn’t notice until he feels a pain which takes him a bit to realize that his dick got cut off. She puts her robe on and locks the door leaving him to bleed out in the bathroom and listens to music to drown out his screams upstairs. After he dies it looks like she puts his body down some sort of stairs and burns all his clothing.

Snip snip...

We aren’t done yet there are still two more men that she must hunt down and get her revenge.  The two remaining men get into the boat and ride down where she lays in a hammock and waits. They stop the boat and one of them gets out and starts searching for her on land. Meanwhile she’s already swimming out to the boat and gets in telling him that she wanted him all along, then pushes him out of the boat and circles him pretending she’s jaws or something about to attack her prey. He screams for his friend and he shows up cuz the dude who fell in the water can’t swim. So he jumps in to save his friend and he’s got a hatchet and somehow it accidentally falls into the boat that shes driving around in. Well now they are screwed. She circles around and sticks the hatchet into the dude who can swim in the back and dies in the water. Then approaches the other guy and turns the motor off as he pleads for his life. Then says the best damn thing in the entire movie and the last sentence in the film.. “Suck it Bitch” then turns on the motor and cut his legs and causes him to drown. The Credits begin to roll while she drives away in the boat. So is she dumb for staying or does she kick ass for getting her revenged. She lucked out, so many things could have gone wrong in each instance which could have fucked her over but luckily for her everything worked out to according to plan it seems. There is a 2010 remake of this film, which I must see soon!

-Sycka                                                                                                                                                                                   

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Walled In (2009)

Friday, June 24, 2011, 12:10:46 PM | sycka666

Walled In (2009)

I have never came across a movie with a plot like this one. With the name being walled in, I was preparing to see some crazy restrained shit to go down. Starring Mischa Barton who plays the lead role of a woman who engineers demolitions who just graduated college. With the success of her first demolition she prove herself worthy to become a partner in her father’s business.  Well thanks dad for fucking giving me a building that has a completely wrong blue print because the architect didn’t want anybody else know that he put dead bodies inside the walls.  The building  is huge and in the middle of bumble fuck. Nothing else is near or around. As always in every horror movie, the girl is crazy nosey during her stay at the building and goes against the rules that were first given to her when she arrives. Don’t go on the 8th floor, or the roof and no smoking. She breaks em all, even the smoking.  The caretaker is a woman who’s expression looks totally the same because of all the damn botox in her cheeks and lips, and well her entire face. Her son is just as an oddball as her as he develops an obsessive crush on the lead character. His only friend is a dog, but I don’t blame him. What else is there to do in the middle of fuckin nowhere? The kid assists Mischa by stealing books from a neighbor.

mother and son, She Can't move her face!!

 These books contain information regarding the architect and his crazy weird ideas about ancient rituals. As they explore the building they find the architects hideout and a drawing of his face on a wall and trust me, he’s not a good looking dude. At this point the movie is halfway through and I’m still waiting for something to show up and scare the shit out of me. The film does nothing for me until more than halfway through where the boy tricks the leading lady to fall down a hole in the middle of the building that explains why the blueprint is so off. Guess what, there’s a dude down in that hole and its the supposed dead architect. He’s alive and uglier than his drawing on the wall. Skinny, dirty , cut and mad brolic. Guess there’s nothing else to do but workout when you’re stuck in a hole. The boy is a skeeming little fucker who promises to keep them alive if they do what they say like kiss and dance. he’s nice enough to leave the hole open at the top so that they can get some sunlight. aww, isn’t that sweet? It’s like a nicer version of The Ring. About 20 mins left in the film I’m wondering when this demolition crew is gonna show up to blow shit up. They show up eventually and the mother and son plan to leave the two in hole to die but the kid is so in love he goes back to rescue her! During all of this the girl kills the architect because he asks her to as he finishes digging a hole which becomes his tomb as it fills with cement.

Oh, is that where I left my daughter? Oops...

They boy who I should have mentioned that his name is Jimmy opens the hole and falls to his death and dies next to the love of his life. The demolition crew runs in after the boy, because they don’t want to have little boy body parts raining all over the place. They see the girl laying there and they pick her up and take her to the hospital. Yay happy ending. Where the hell was the horror?! The most violent scene is the girl killing the architect or the dead dog earlier in the film. What made me watch the movie was that it started off pretty damn sick with a scene of that little girl getting buried alive with cement but…then it goes downhill from there.  I don’t recommend it, but if you think the way that I do. I’ll watch it anyway because I want to analyze it for myself. Till next time…

        - Sycka